Hotty mess

After shadily making my way into the 8th grade promotion ceremony (don't ask how it happened.  It wasn't pretty or professional.  I may have thrown someone under the bus), I thought to myself, I'm going to be stoic.  STOIC.  You know, smile, be proud, watch my loves promote onto high school.


Yeah, that lasted for like, 5 minutes.  Then, I started bawling like a baby.  Well, not really bawling.  More like a stream of tears coming down my face as I tried to look appropriate. 

It didn't help that, during bell work today, I told my fifth graders that I wasn't coming back to school next year.  In their journals, I had them write about where they wanted to move if they could move to a new state.  Then we chatted about that for a while.  Then, I asked them why they think I put that journal topic up.  A few guesses in, and one kid goes, "Because you're moving next week."  Mind you, this was said sarcastically.

You know how hard it is to say, "Well actually, I am?"  Do you know? 

My babies got all sad and shocked.  My namesake and project for the year (OFFICIALLY NO DAYS OF ISS, friends, after spending half of last year in it) came up to me and said, "I need to take a break."  He wrote himself a pass and walked out.  On me.  

So I mosey to promotion, where I am in tears during the whole thing, but complete break down when JP, (remember, the girl I snuck in during her suspension last year to go to math class) thanks me in her speech for being there for her.

TEARS.  Thanks, JP, for opening the floodgates. 

After some more tears and hugs, I left my loves to go back to my class.  I guess there was a constant pit feeling in my stomach because it is SO hard to leave these babes.  I feel like I'm walking out on them.  It hurts.  A lot. 

Holes in my face

Today, a wonderful visitor spent a day in my classroom.

I selfishly asked if she wanted to spend the day with me so someone else could witness the absurd behavior of my class.

After she became friends with C, she started asking him about ninjas.  Everything was "would a ninja refuse to do work?" to "I love ninjas!"  She doesn't know it, but I could tell he loved her.  It's strange that he shows love by saying NO and scrunching up his face.

But my favorite, at the end of the day, while we were laughing, was when J said, "Ms. L, when you laugh too much, you get holes in your face!"


"Uhh, do you mean dimples?"

"Well, if that's what those holes in your face are..."

My Head

Conversation actually had with one of my loves:

"Ms. L, does my head look any bigger?"

"Uhhh....no?"

"It feels so full!"

"Do you have a headache?  Do you need to go to the nurse?"

"NO!  It's so full of KNOWLEDGE, Ms. L.  It cannot hold any more." 

Growth. Yes. Growth.

So I decided to give my kids the "midyear" BRI test. This will measure their reading growth. "Normal" kids should grow a year in a year. And by normal, I mean, kids who are upper middle class and go to schools that aren't failing.

For us to close the achievement gap, kids need to make significant gains, ie, 2 years growth in one year.

I tested one of my lowbies today. He came into 5th grade reading at a second grade level independently. We had a ton of work to do to, well, you know, teach him how to read.

It's January. He's currently reading at a fifth grade level independently.

If you cannot add, that's 3 years growth in half a year.

It's days like these that I know why I'm closing the achievement gap.

Its the maths

This week we're supposed to learn about counting problems and the multiplication principle of counting.

What does that mean?

Here's a sample: Johnny has to pick out an outfit for his upcoming date. He can choose to wear a red shirt, a blue shirt, or a plaid shirt. He can wear jeans, shorts, or dress pants. For an accessory, he can wear a crown, a cowboy hat, or a baseball cap. If he wears a shirt, bottoms, and a hat, how many different outfits does he have to choose from?

Well, you could draw a tree diagram. Which is what we learned today. Or you could use the multiplication principle of counting (3 x 3 x 3) and eventually end up with 27.

Either way, we're taking a week to discover how to solve these, find the patterns, explain the multiplication principle of counting, and constructing our own scenarios.

So, I'm a great teacher or my kids are geniuses, because the back half of my room solved the problems and discovered the MPC in 30 minutes. WTF? All my experience with teaching this math crap to the kids (many years people, many times have I taught this) is that it takes a while to get it. A while to connect the tree to numbers. (Unless you are gifted. But these kids are not.)

30 minutes. To figure it out for themselves.

So what did I do? Put them in "discovery groups" in the back, and throw them the 7th grade counting problems I used to use. They had to solve the problems in 2 ways and show their work. I worked with the rest of the class on drawing countless tree diagrams.

This is how I know I made it.

A kid raises his hand, and I walk to his "discovery group." He asks, "Can we show you how to solve the problem in MORE than 2 ways? Like 3? Or 4?" (be still my heart. I love you, kiddo. Love love love that you want to over-solve a problem)

My reply: "Why yes you can. Show me as MANY as you want." (Because you have another 50 minutes to work since our friends in the front cannot even remember how to add.)

The Man

So, when we have to go to computers as a special, we have to walk into the second-story building and walk up the stairs to the computer lab.

5th graders walking up stairs "sounding like mice, not elephants," is always a difficult task. I always convince them that the cameras in the hallways are pointed directly to them, and someone is always monitoring their behavior, even if I cannot see them.

There is a place the staircase curves, and it gives me a blind spot for the front of the line. As they are walking up the stairs, I yell out, "Don't FORGET! The MAN is watching!"

One of my students goes, "Hello, Man!" and waves to the camera.

SO. FREAKING. HILARIOUS.

I cannot make this up

My loves are hysterical.

These are the current reasons.

We were lucky enough to get a newspaper reporter to come to our class and talk to us about what a reporter does. I contacted him by way of my ultimate persistence and charm.

So, as we were preparing for our reporter, we spent some time developing our questions we were going to ask. We first talked about the newspaper, then we brainstormed. Then, we discussed with our tables and came up with more ideas. Then, we sorted our questions into a graphic organizer. Our headings? Education, Work, Cool Stories, and Other.

I had developed the "Other" category because I thought they would have questions that didn't fit.

So after we sorted, we got to write our three favorite questions on three index cards.

As I collect the index cards, I was reading them and sorting them.

They asked some great questions: "Did you become a reporter because you had good ideas in your head?" "How do you think of your stories?" "What is your writing process like?" "What classes do you take to become a journalist?"

In the "other" category, I was given this question to ask the reporter.

"Do you like robots?"

I started laughing hysterically when I read it. I could not be controlled. The kids were so confused. But it was too damn funny to not laugh. Who asks something like that? Really?

So, obviously, I let the kid ask the reporter after his discussion, as we were going to lunch.

And the reporter's answer? "Yea, I love robots!"

Newsworthy

For our unit on writing newspapers (now let's be honest, people. This is not actually just writing. We are basically learning how to read a newspaper...with a little writing sprinkled in. Oh, the joys of being self-contained.), one of our daily homework assignments is to bring home a quarter sheet of paper titled, "Newsworthy."

They have to fill out the topic of a news story, tell me where they heard/found the story, and why this is interesting for them. Basically, I con them into learning about current events/make them do something productive at night/get them talking about things that are happening in the world.

Plus its HILARIOUS what they write down.

Here are a few of my favorites from today.

"On Fox News (mini-Republican in the making?), a girl was forced to be on the SWAT team. This is interesting because I wonder how it feels being protected by the SWAT team."

"On Fox News, it was said that three Michigan boys are missing. This is interesting because missing three boys can make their parents worry so much." (How considerate.)

"On Channel 5 News, a guy kidnapped three kids and then tried to kill himself and was arrested. This is interesting because I don't want to get kidnapped." (Kiddo, who DOES want to get kidnapped?)

This was ALMOST my favorite:

"On ESPN, Northwestern won against Georgia Tech in NU's Stadium. This is interesting because that is my future college." (How. FREAKING. Cute.)

But this one is currently my favorite:

"On channel 36, a girl from a reality tv show (Teen Mom, if you were wondering, Ms. L)(that was actually a parenthetical quotation he put on his paper) was caught on tape hitting her boyfriend. This is interesting because men are not the only people who abuse women. WOMEN ALSO ABUSE MEN."

That's right. One of my kiddos referenced Teen Mom.

I swoon...

I have to share the conversations that I overheard today.

Kid 1: "I'm really nervous about Benchmarks today, Ms. L."
Kid 2: "Just have confidence in yourself." (such a smile already....)
Kid 1: "I do have confidence. But sometimes this stuff is hard."

How adorable, right?

But here's what made my day.

When walking into the room, Mr. Naughty says:

Naughty: "Ms. L, last night I had a dream that I was in college."
Me: "Really? Where were you?"
Naughty: "Duh, at Northwestern. We (points to his 3 buddies) were all roommates."
Me: (smiling. uncontrollably.) "What were you studying?"
Naughty: "Math. It was fun."

I ♥ my kiddos.

At Northwestern...

AND MY CLASSROOM!

That's right, everyone. An article in today's NY Times, that opens with how Northwestern University Professors use clickers in class....

And let us all remember that we use our CPS remotes every day! It gives instant feedback, instant differentiation, (instant grades) and it is generally more fun than using a pencil.

That's right, friends. We're doing something like the college kids!

Guess who's sharing THIS article before we take our benchmarks tomorrow? That's right, this kid.

Yes, that is the theme, thank you

Okay, so tomorrow begins the two days of benchmark testing. Oy. We need lots of pumping up for benchmarks.

Today I decided that we were going to read a story and discuss the theme. Like, get on the carpet kids, and let's share some Dr. Seuss and then talk about his literary implications.

So we read Yertle the Turtle.


If you don't know the story, its about this turtle name Yertle who rules over everything that he sees. He starts in a pond, cannot see enough, makes a throne of 9 turtles to see farther, and then more turtles stack up and Yertle can see farther and farther. Well this turtle named Mark keeps trying to tell Yertle that being on the bottom is painful...Yertle doesn't listen....wants to go higher than the moon....and so Mark burbs, and Yertle tumbles down. He ends up being king of the mud.

Brilliant story.

So, my kids were doing the "turn and talk" and discussing the theme. Then, I had them share.

Here's what I got (and expected to get):

"The theme of Yertle the Turtle is do not be bossy, because people will stop wanting to be your friend and stop helping you."

I appreciated that complete sentence. Then, I got this:

"The theme of Yertle the Turtle can be said in a sentence: The more power you try to gain, the less power you actually have."

PAUSE. STOP. REREAD. I TEACH 5TH GRADE.

I think I can retire, because that is the freaking best answer I have ever heard in my life.

Oh, apparently I have taught you something this year, my little geniuses.

Who loves me back?

We all remember the fateful discussion I had in late July, 2008.

My running joke for many years - "I love Butterfingers. But they don't love me back." It is one of those insights I had to have in my life and sometimes need to be reminded of.

BUT GUESS WHAT.

One of my loves asked me today, "Ms. L, what's your favorite chocolate?"

"Duh. Butterfingers."

And she runs off to write her poetry.

And guess what happens in this poem?

Ms. L travels to Chocolateland, where Butterfinger fawns all over her and tells her all the reasons why he loves her.

That's right, friends. FUCKING Butterfinger does love me back.

I can't make this stuff up

So, of course, it is approaching the end of the second quarter. Which means, I have stacks and stacks of grading to be done.

I don't hate this grading as much as years previous because I only have to look at an assignment 30 times, as opposed to 120 times. (or whatever it was.)

I have to share some hilarious (and brilliant) poems that were written in response to our visualizing poetry lesson. We read poems about the colors blue and brown, and then had to write our own poetry.

Here's some of the good:

"Green is the color of grass...the kind of grass you sit down and watch the clouds."

"What is red?
Red is the color of stop signs. Red is a hat color...red stripes on the American flag. You can smell the red paint on the walls, red flows in our body so quiet, so calm."

Here is one of my favorites:

"Purple. Purple is the color of the rainbow. Purple is the color of joy. Purple is the Wildcats, my future college!"

And here are the ones that make you go...what goes ON in your brain?

"Red is the color of blood. Red is the color of hot sauce. Red is the color of evil. Red is the color of juice."

"Red is ruby. Red is violence. Red is flame. Red is shirts. Red always be around you. (Illustration? Ninja's karate chopping a bleeding, dead body.)"

"Green is the color grass, green is the color leaves, green is the color of Yoda's lightsaber."

My little minions...

I have created learning monsters.

I had a meeting this morning at 7:30 am. Well, the meeting ran long so instead of getting my kids at 8:05, I was running out to the basketball courts at 8:11 to get them.

They were the only class left on the courts. Even though school doesn't officially start until 8:15, everyone was already gone.

So I'm running frantically to get them when I hear one of my students yell,

"Hurry up, Ms. L. You're wasting learning time!"



I HAVE CREATED LEARNING MONSTERS! I LOVE IT!

Dante and video games

My lawyer friend enjoys hearing bi-weekly updates about his favorite student, Predator. Today was one of those days where we were laughing for a good 5 minutes about Predator.

Predator and I have an interesting relationship during Writer's Workshop. With the help of an aide (my coteacher is away being fantastic in the other coteaching room) most of my kids can fully function and write. We're enjoying working plot elements into our own narratives, showing that we fully understand conflict, rising action, climax, falling action, and resolution. Our stories are, for the most part, fantastic.

Except for Predator. Putting words on paper is all but impossible for him.

Yesterday, we sat together during workshop time and discussed ideas for his story.

"Predator, what do you want to write about?"

"POSEIDON." (he yells this during quiet time, by the way.)

"Really? Why him?"

"He's awesome! He lives in the ocean. Oh that's the setting. The ocean."

"Okay, well then can you describe the setting for me on your paper? Make it come alive."

"Wait. There's more settings. THE UNDERWORLD. With HADES."

"Oh and his three-headed dog?"

"HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?"

"I'm amazing. So describe the two settings then."

"HADES. IN THE UNDERWORLD."

"Predator, here's what I mean. When I picture the underworld, I see a river of death flowing. This river flows down through 7 layers, each with more and more pain and suffering on them. There are souls who cannot escape, screaming at the boat. Then, at the bottom of the underworld, in the worst spot ever, is Hades. What do you see?"

His eyes get bigger than I've ever seen. "You've beaten God of War?"

"What's God of War?"

"Duh, Ms. L. A video game."

"Oh no honey. There's this guy named Dante who described the underworld in The Inferno."

"Dante wrote a video game? He must be cool."

Bragging. Sheer bragging.

Reasons why I love my job:

I have a slew of kiddos who just want "projects" that can "help me." So what did my kiddos do? Clean out my entire file cabinet, make files for each of my current students, and then FILE all of the papers that were in giant piles on my desk.

Why thank you, dear children, for doing my job for me.

And reasons why I teach:

One of my loves (who I taught for 2 years) came to me yesterday and told me that he would not get to play in the soccer tournament on Saturday. I asked why, and he told me that he wasn't going to finish his Social Studies project in time. I asked why, and he said he just didn't have enough time on the computers. So I told him that I would stay after school on Wednesday and he could use my computer.

So today, he showed up at my door at 3:30. He sat down at one of the student computer and worked. He's always been a little squirrely, but when he gets into the zone, he'll sit in concentration and chew on his tongue. He's doing this as my little helpers are filing my stuff, and he calls out to me, "Yeah, they help you, but I'm still your favorite." And then smiles his little grin.

So when he finishes his project at 5:15, (after much googling on our parts), he looks at me, smiles, and says, "Thanks, Ms. L, for staying after school with me."

I. LITERALLY. DIE. OF. JOY.

The most important thing about space...

Is that robots go there, obviously.

Take this writing from a paragraph I graded today:

"Earth and Neptune are alike. Earth has life and Neptune doesn't because people send robots."

Obviously. I never thought about it that way, kiddo.

Burger toppings?

We were walking to music today, and my kiddos were being slow in the back of the line. I started telling the kids, "catch up, catch up!"

One of them said, "mustard, Ms. L, mustard!"

Another one yells out, "Mayonnaise!"

A third: "Lettuce."

I go, "Okay, smarties! Tomato!"

Another boy tells me, "Cinnamon!" He said this with a huge smile on his face...

I look at him with tons of questions in my eyes.

"Honey, why would you say cinnamon is a burger topping?"

"Ms. L, we were talking about it this morning."

"Darling, the only thing we were talking about this morning were synonyms, not cinnamon."

Main idea?

In science class, we're learning about the planets.

It is very hard to keep a straight face when you have to say Uranus at least 12,000 times a day. Or answer questions with a straight face because you, in fact, have the humor of a seventh grade boy at times. (Thank the lord these kids are 5th graders and don't understand why this is so funny.)

But, well, sometimes, things just surprise you. And you cannot help but laugh. One of my smarties, named Jesus, was finding the main idea and 3 supporting details for the main idea about Uranus from the reading he was doing. (2 pages in a space book.) Since this is an actual book and not a stupid paragraph constructed by the powers that be, the main idea is implied.

Here is what Jesus turned in.



Yes. That says, "It sucks to live in Uranus." The details? "It has no land." "It is a gas planet." "You have to wait for a long time for your birthday."

I had to call a teacher in the middle of class and read it to him. We've been laughing ever since.

And my reply? "Yes, Jesus, I'm sure it sucks to live in Uranus."

Already causing bias?

Okay, I'm the first one to admit it. When you teach a class of kids, they start to think like you. And act like you.

When you teach middle schoolers, they pick up your mannerisms. And they say them, then they make fun of you for it.

But when you teach 5th graders, they actually pick up more of your beliefs...especially those you probably don't want them to have. You never say it outright, but they pick up on your hidden schemas and mores....just because you are with them 8 hours a day.

Case in point: today's inferencing lesson.

When you teach inferencing, you show them the nifty formula.

Clues (text evidence) + background knowledge = inference

Here are some discussions I heard:

Kid:"Well, it says that she said she didn't want a birthday present. But, its a woman, and when girls say something, they mean the complete opposite, so my inference is that she DOES want a birthday present."
Me: "You're pretty much right. When a girl says she doesn't want a present, it means that she does."
Kid: "You know that because you're a woman, don't you?"
Me: "Yes."
Kid: "That's why I'm never getting married. Because girls lie."

I. Literally. Die.

So then, during independent reading, one of my loves brings her notebook and book up to me and we start reading it together.

Kiddo: "Well, the evidence says that A.J. is being mean to this girl Andrea and teasing her."
Me: "And so what do you know about that sort of thing? What is your background knowledge?"
Kiddo: "When a boy teases you and says he doesn't like you, it means he does. So he must like this girl a lot."
Me: "Right. Because boys are complicated. And they are liars."

What am I teaching these kids?

At least they can make inferences!