Substitute Horror

So, my fabulous co-teacher had to go to some training today. About something. That she didn't really want to learn about (not because she didn't want to learn but because she had already sat through most of this training this summer. She needed like, an hour of this 8 hour training, but they made her sit through the whole thing.)

But lo-and-behold, the powers that be sent her a sub.

Now, a normal sub would follow HER schedule. (You know, in my room when she should be and in the other room when she should be.)

But no. She just came and went as she pleased. (How she got this in her head was beyond me.)

So I hate telling adults what to do when I am teaching and telling my minions what to do, so I don't really feel the need to have a substitute. It bothers me because they never know what to do when I am in the room (because, heaven forbid, they would actually know how to support children with special needs...since that is what you were sent for).

So here is a conversation that happened today:

Sub: "Teacher, I have a question for you." (We were standing at a group, working on adding fractions.)
Me: "Yes?
Sub: "I need you to explain why these kids are getting different answers than I am."
Me: "Oh? On which question?"
Sub: "That math problem." (She points to one-half minus five-twelfths)
Me: "Well, this student has it correct."
Sub: "How is that the right answer?"
Me: "Well, one-half minus five-twelfths is one-twelfth, just like this entire table says."
Sub: "How did he get that?"
Me: "Kiddo, what did you do?"
Kid: "One - half is equivalent to six-twelfths, and six-twelfths minus five-twelfths is one twelfth. Then I checked it with these fraction bars."
Sub: "Oh, this new math is so different. No wonder I got it wrong. I guess I learned it the old-school way."

In my head: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT WAY YOU LEARNED IT, SUBTRACTING FRACTIONS WILL ALWAYS RESULT IN THE SAME ANSWER.

Oh my god. Get her out of my room.

Setting us back. Tons and tons.

Dear Washington Post,

I understand that you want to publish opinion pieces and become controversial, but really, please STOP publishing stuff like this.

It hurts me. It pains me that a professor would EVER say that math is not important.

Okay, fine. I don't know differential calculus.

But damn, do I know how to solve almost ALL math problems. And yes, math is important. You need math. You need to learn how to solve problems, all TYPES of problems. And you learn problem solving IN MATH CLASS.

Who loves me back?

We all remember the fateful discussion I had in late July, 2008.

My running joke for many years - "I love Butterfingers. But they don't love me back." It is one of those insights I had to have in my life and sometimes need to be reminded of.

BUT GUESS WHAT.

One of my loves asked me today, "Ms. L, what's your favorite chocolate?"

"Duh. Butterfingers."

And she runs off to write her poetry.

And guess what happens in this poem?

Ms. L travels to Chocolateland, where Butterfinger fawns all over her and tells her all the reasons why he loves her.

That's right, friends. FUCKING Butterfinger does love me back.

Condescending

You know what I cannot handle anymore.

Condescending comments.

Or emails.

Especially emails.

If you have to veil an apology with a condescending remark, JUST DON'T MAKE THE APOLOGY.

I'd rather not hear your apology than hear your crappy apology and then add: "Just remember. This is what another teacher had to deal with all last year..."

Well last year, these kids failed. And I refuse to let that happen again.

Shout OUT!

Yes, this was just said on The Office.

"Teach for America girls are way hotter....but they're crazy!"

--Ryan Howard

Obviously.

That shit makes my day.

Well, I quit.

I don't ACTUALLY quit.

(Here is where I would have inserted the Saved! video clip where Cassandra climbs down from the ladder after putting up the Prom banner and says, "I quit." For comedic value. But I cannot find the clip for my life. Guess that's what I get for quoting the most RANDOM part of movies.)

But this week, I've felt like quitting. Why? I think it all boils down to the fact that I leave school feeling like the worst teacher in the world. I just feel like I have no support and I am drowning and ALL I want to do is have someone tell me what to do and no one will.

Just tell me what to do to make these kids learn. I've. Tried. Everything.

I'm ill-prepared to teach a classroom full of IEPs. I'm ill-prepared to teach students who cannot read. I'm ill-prepared and I ask for help and no one will be supportive.

All I want to do is see teaching that will reach my kids. Clearly, what I am doing is. not. working.

I'd, just once, like to feel like either someone thinks I am doing a good job (which scares me because hey, it's November and they still cannot read),
OR
someone comes in and does MAJOR overhauls of my teaching.

So, someone help me. I'm drowning. Please.

Holy frustrating, Batman

Today I began the day absurdly frustrated.

Why, may you ask? Because I got a frustrating email from one of our academic coaches, about how "she had been in meetings all week and could just NOT get something done that should have been done last week."

We all know how I HATE EXCUSES LIKE THAT.

Here are suggestions for getting your work done:
1) Stay afterschool like we all do. Have you seen our parking lot at about 5:30? Have you? Oh wait, no, I saw you leave at 3:30.
2) Get to school early. I pull into the parking lot at 7:00 am (or earlier) and there are at least 10 people already there. (Swear to god, in my first year I was one of the first people in the parking lot and I didn't get there until 7:15 or 7:20.)
3) Work during lunch. (Have you ever seen the copy machines going at lunch? They are crazy. And we are wolfing down our food in 2 minutes so we can hold detentions/remediate with kids/study longer/go get something from you because you said to pick it up by noon/have celebrations/and then do duty.)
4) Do some work before you sleep. (My couch and I are best friends during paper grading time, lesson planning time, rubric writing time, emailing time, etc.)

These are all the things that TEACHERS do to get their work done on time. Why, when you leave the classroom to "help" teachers, do you then devolve into refusing to ACTUALLY DO ANY FUCKING WORK ON TIME? DO SOME WORK. Then we'll listen to your asinine suggestions. (maybe. I'm not making any promises.)

It devolved from there.

A different academic coach came to pop-in observe the end of my writing/beginning of my reading lesson. Great! I love feedback. Please, tell me what to do. The only suggestion that was made was to get the kids to "choral read" the poem. But then she asked me to "share" my poetry stuff.

Herein lies the issue. HELLO? Not. My. Stuff. I coplan. It was my amazing partner's stuff. We all know I don't plan reading or writing. SO now I feel bad because it looks like I'm awesome when actually I'm just doing what I was told.

Then this academic coach showed up during our prep time when we sit around and plan for next week. Why? I have no idea. I felt weird that she was just there, watching us. Staring. Not saying anything. Just...spying? Who knows why she intruded on our planning with no warning. SHIT. We're being watched. There goes co-planning.

So, basically, instead of anything useful happening today, I just ended up devolving into frustrated messes because a) people don't do their jobs and b) people spy without telling why.