Homework?

As a teacher, I find it disturbing and maddening that dictives are coming down from the top and telling teachers how to run their own classroom.

Do we tell professionals like doctors and lawyers (lawyers having only 1 more year of schooling then myself) how THEY should be doing their jobs?  Do we tell them what work THEY should be assigning to their paralegals?  OH WAIT, we don't?  So why are you telling teachers how to do their jobs?  

  I don't like giving a lot of homework because, honestly, my students wouldn't do it and their parents couldn't do it with them and it wasn't in Spanish and so I always have a whole slew of children at recess detention for not doing their homework.

But I still assigned it.  And if it took 10 minutes, fine.  And if it took an hour, maybe you should have been paying attention in class, child.  MAYBE you should have done your work during the SCHOOL DAY when I asked you to.  That's most of the "large chunks" of homework that I give. 

And in EVERY GRADE, it is important to read for 20 minutes a night.  If you cannot read, get read to.  If you struggle, pick a book that you enjoy.  But you better be reading.  It is the ONLY way to improve literacy outside of the classroom.  

Or what about the fact that I did TONS of homework in middle and high school.  If I hadn't, I would have NEVER been PREPARED FOR COLLEGE.  Did we forget about this one?  How do we teach good homework habits for college (where ALL of the work is done outside  of school) if we do not model good homework habits starting in elementary school? 

So, sorry, man at the top.  You should ask why we give homework.  Yes, we.  As in, the teachers.  As in, the professionals (with licensure) who assign it in their OWN CLASSROOM. 

Media Mail

aka the best thing the government has ever done for me.

To start my move off right, I decided that my first step would be to get all the books out of my house here and back to where they are going to spend a good summer (ie. my parents' house.)  Considering I'm selling everything and shipping stuff back, I needed to start packing.

So I boxed all my books and shipped them with the elusive "media mail" option at the post office. 


Friends, best idea ever.  

If you didn't know this about me, one might say I collect books.  So, after packing and taping 7 (yes, 7) boxes of books and then hauling them in my car, to the post office, one by one into the post office door, and into Bonnie's station, I sent back 182 pounds of books. 


Yes.  182 pounds.  

If I didn't insure them (my pride and joy people), it would have cost less than 100 dollars.  I think the total was $108. 

So, thank you, US Government, for making this thing called "media mail" so bibliophiles like myself can ship 182 pounds of books across the country without breaking the bank. 

This pretty much sums it up

Here's a few pictoral images that sum up my weekend....

Out of your mind.

We had the best weekend ever this weekend.

It's sad that it had to be my going away party, but going here was amazing.

We checked so many things off of our list:

• Meet foreign men and making them play beer pong with us
• Beer pong at O'Shea's
• Crash a bachelor party (I would like to edit and say we didn't crash...we were invited on to the party bus...)
• Ride a party bus
• Witness someone getting kicked out of the club
• Eat at a buffet
• Sing at a piano bar

And everything else that happened....well it definitely STAYS in Vegas.

Although we came back with a fantastic catch phrase:  "Imma punch you in THE FACE." 

Best

"Best PSA video ever made starring an aggressive guy in a yellow dinosaur costume hunting pedophiles"

Watch this.  It is hilarious. 


YELLOW DINO: PEDO HUNTER from Everything Is Terrible! on Vimeo.

Found it here

Twitch.

I am so stressed out my left eye has begun to twitch.  

Yes, I said that right.  Twitching eye.  One of my besties (who has known me for years) asked me if I wasn't sleeping....circa that crazy bout of insomnia a few years ago.

The problem is, I actually am sleeping.  I just have one student in particular that is causing my eye to twitch.  Uncontrollably.  Here is a recap of what he did today from 8:15 until 10 am.  

~Refusal to come to class on time (he was sitting by the portable with other students when our line went in this morning and then wandered campus until 8:20.  I called the attendance secretary and she made a note)

~Brought a hair claw to the library and attached it to a student's face and another's ear. 

~Refusal to give hair claw to librarian

~Refusal to give hair claw to me

~Refusal to do work after coming back from the library

~Refusal to leave classroom for cooldown in "in school suspension"

~After many attempts to leave classroom, had to be walked to the in school suspension room by me and the 6th grade science teacher

~After getting to "in school suspension", refused to go inside the room

~Sat in front of the principal's office and refused to go into the "in school suspension" room after multiple attempts by myself and other staff including the school psychologist

BIlly Madison

I am now officially dumber for watching this video.

May god have mercy on my soul.

I am disgusted

I am disgusted that educators can act like this.

I am even more disgusted that I WENT TO SCHOOL here. 

I am offended that the school knew about the "inappropriate relationship" he was having with this girl a year earlier and they DID NOTHING. 

I am appalled that, in fact, we sang at his wedding. 

We. sang. at. his. wedding. 

EK teacher charged for sex with student: woodtv.com

Operation stop hating life..

The epic weekend crew needs to be commended for a weekend well done.

As it was so aptly put as Ivy and I were leaving after the Superbowl (and yes, we mean the Oscars), "It's like the weekend is leaving when you walk out of the door." 

What happened?  Well, we may or may not have:

• Begun by playing the Austin Powers Drinking Game
• Decided that the weekend was going to be "hat weekend" where we all had to wear a ridiculous hat
• Continued being ridiculous at Hooters (by playing absurd high school games like never have I ever...oh wait, yes I have)
• Walked past an event at a hotel and had an idea...
• Ran home, made a quick costume changes into club wear and hats (yes.  still hats.  yes, there was a seersucker suit involved)
• Skipped to the hotel where there were tons of people in black tie attire
• Conga-lined in the hotel bar
• Crashed a black tie benefit auction wearing the hats
• Enjoyed the open bar and buffet at said black tie benefit
• Met a cougar
• Ran into the rain, got in a cab, and went to Bandaids
• Decided that we could work there
• Took a cab back and collapsed
• Woke up, switched hats, wore our pajamas to brunch
• Enjoyed "happy hour" drink specials - lots of them
• Frequented an anime convention (leaving us depressed that we didn't have their hats)
• Napped, planned
• Watched the Superbowl

All in all, Operation Stop Hating Life has been a success.  More to come, more to come.

Dear potential corps member,

These are things that need not be explained to me during a phone interview.

You know, in case I "don't know" what they are.

• Centers
• Technology
• Title One
• Modeling
• Mainstreaming special education students

I think I know what those things are.

Sincerely,
Phone interviewer

Cultural (un)Awareness

I just have to relive journal time today.

I asked them to write about Martin Luther King Jr., and speculate why we have a holiday for him.

The response?

"Martin Luther King Jr., and his mother, Rosa Parks, sat on a bus."

"Wait, honey, no, Rosa Parks was not MLK's mother."

"She wasn't?"

How could I react?

No wonder people jump off bridges...

I want to take everyone back to my eleventh grade math class.

I was advanced in school, and we took a class as juniors called "Pre-Calculus and Discrete Mathematics." PDM for short. It "got us ready" for calculus. (I should have known then, when I stared agape at the introduction of a tangent line, that I was going to bomb calc. But I digress.)

In this class, we learned a lot of discrete math. As JUNIORS IN HIGH SCHOOL. Juniors who were advanced, in a pretty affluent, successful midwestern city. These kids were going places. Like college.

The first time I was introduced to this problem (The Konigsberg Bridge problem) was in my discrete math book in high school. Junior year.

Now let's transport ourselves to the present. Guess what problem I am getting my kids to solve next week? The Konigsberg Bridge problem.

These little lovelies cannot even add fractions yet I have to spend my time, according to the Arizona department of education, teaching my children about EULER PATHS and CIRCUITS and SOLVING THIS DAMN BRIDGE PROBLEM.

I'm pretty sure there was a reason I didn't learn discrete math until high school. I was learning how to think algebraically. I was learning how to think. I wasn't bogged down in content.

I admit...

I do overuse the word literally.

So the Oatmeal has written a hilarious comic about the overuse of that word.

I literally laughed out loud. But that was it.

Purple?

Did you know that there may actually be a time in teaching when your mind is in the gutter and your little peanuts' minds are NOT?

Welcome to fifth grade. When they don't understand the naughtiness that runs rampant in middle school.

Conversation today:

J: "Miss L, what color is Uranus?"
Me: laughing hysterically. Trying to hold it together, but laughing out loud.
J: "What is so funny? What color is Uranus?" (this kid is legitimately clueless as to why I am laughing. He looks pained that I am laughing and not telling him.)
Me: "Uhhh....purple. Try purple?" (more laughter)
J: "I was thinking blue."
Me: "Blue's good. I have to go." (Cue me going to a different place in the room.)

Things that make me crazy

This probably has little to nothing to do with education, but, you know what, I'm the writer and I will do what I want.

So while at dinner on Monday, for some god-unknown reason, a boy from my past was brought up in conversation. It was really strange, being that we (the collective we being anyone who had to deal with the aftermath of that whole situation) are not allowed to talk about him.

So after he came up in conversation on Monday, I was talking to my best friend on Tuesday (sidenote - if he doesn't pass the bar when he takes it in 6 days I don't really know how we are going to go on existing...but I digress), and obviously I had to tell him about the boy who came up on Monday. He, of course, had a freaking field day.

While my bestie was laughing and continuing to relive one of the most awful times of my life (it's a good thing I have a sense of humor), I obviously decided to facebook stalk "the boy" to see what he is doing. You know, 6 years after he ruined my life.

Thank you, gods of social networking, for allowing me to stalk people from my past. It makes me feel good when I see that they a) got fat b) have no job c) have a crappy job d) had to move back home and live with mommy and daddy because they have no money

Okay so normally when the facebook stalk happens, I feel better about myself.

But not this time.

Even though, in the back of my mind, there was the little nagging voice going, "Don't you remember this kid? He was brilliant. Fucking SO much smarter than you. And a freaking economics major. And he graduated WAY before the shitty economy happened. AND basically he puts you to shame with that whole ambition and success thing." I still stalked. I knew better. And I ignored the voices in my head.

WTF? Of COURSE you work for one of the best consulting groups in the nation. OF course you travel to exotic locales with your amazing salary. Good for you. I'm not even pissed about that.

I'm CRAZY out of my MIND because you are going to HARVARD BUSINESS SCHOOL.

WHAT? Of COURSE you got into B school at Harvard. OF COURSE. Because you're a freaking genius. And an entreprenuer. And you can charm the pants off of ANYONE you meet.

AND it makes me crazy because you GET TO GO TO HARVARD. And well, I'm not in Harvard. I'm not in B school.

I'm plugging away, with no doctorate degree, and I'm gosh darn happy with where I am and then YOU pop up and make me crazy.

WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE JUST GOTTEN FAT?

"This infuriates me"

I have wonderfully brilliant friends. Wonderfully brilliant.

I come home from dinner tonight (with brilliant friends, no less) and I get this email from another brilliant friend. (Who, mind you, is one of the only people who will a) send me links to articles that he knows I will like and b) tolerate me when I send him links as well).

Email: This infuriates me...

Reply: WHO SAYS THESE THINGS?

"We all want what's fair for teachers and, yes, their job is supremely important. However, should a high school or grade school teacher make as much as a surgeon or highly educated and skilled doctor, lawyer or judge? "

Really, asshole? Really? How do you think those people became doctors, lawyers, and judges? HOW? Oh wait. They went to school. And were taught by...oh yes, TEACHERS.

(Okay but on the other hand I don't know if you need to be making 6 figures as a PE teacher/coach. And I also don't like that it seems like teachers in the rich districts make more. Shouldn't the teachers who are in the trenches be making 6 figures? I taught in upscale Chicago. I know how easy those kids are.)

BUT STILL.

Mosquitos?

There is this commercial on television (full disclosure here, people. I may or may not be watching the Degrassi marathon on TeenNick, getting ready for "Degrassi, the Boiling Point,") that claims to have ringtones for phones that "parents and teachers cannot hear."

So, apparently, society is telling all kiddos to ignore the rules about cell phones and, instead of keeping them on vibrate or silent, USE a ringtone that old people cannot hear. Or at least, they claim to not be able to hear.

So what are you going to do, kids? Answer the phone and hope I don't see your phone glued to your ear? Really?

And why, cell phone company, are we promoting this? It frustrates the HELL out of me that we want the youth of America to use their cell phones in school instead of paying attention in class.

Right, that will really get the youth of tomorrow to be an informed citizenry.

Don't you dare

lie about your experience as a teacher.

Don't. you. dare.

Do NOT speak like you spent ANY time teaching in the American school system. A private school, in London, in the 80s for ONE year does NOT give you the right to speak as a AMERICAN school teacher.

Really? You can say this? “[I remember] the kids who were the brightest lights of our country’s future, and I also remember those who bore scrutiny as people who might bring a gun to class.”

YOU DID NOT TEACH ANYONE IN OUR COUNTRY.

(Don't even get me started on the "nursery school" teaching you did. Right...a 4 year old in a private nursery school might bring a gun to school.)

Run your race. Fine. Just don't lie about something and then speak like you know what "we teachers" are going through.

States go rogue?

And by states, I mean one. Arizona.

STUPID, STUPID, STUPID.

Stop it. Seriously. Has anyone read the US Constitution? Anyone?

How about this part? "This Constitution, and the Laws of the United States which shall be made in Pursuance thereof; and all Treaties made, or which shall be made, under the Authority of the United States, shall be the supreme Law of the Land; and the Judges in every State shall be bound thereby, any Thing in the Constitution or Laws of any State to the Contrary notwithstanding."

Right, the Constitution is the supreme law of the land. So.....here's what is says about citizenship.

Amendment 14: All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside.

So what part of this does the AZ legislature not understand?

Please, someone please tell me how the law that AZ is proposing is constitutional. Please. Explain.

One of my pet peeves

So, this weekend, we actually got to talking at the Memorial Day BBQ about movies that were books.

Some of us (ME!) read the book before the movie. Every time.

Most of us do not have the OCD obsession that I do and will watch movies and then read books, or vice versa. They don't get all stressed out before movies come out and have to read the book multiple times before the movie comes out.

Some of us (losers who aren't me) watch the movie and most of the time don't read the book.

But since this is MY blog, here's one of my pet peeves. RUINING a book by making a movie that doesn't do it justice.

Case in point: here.

Please, R-Patz and your newfound vampire fame, do not RUIN one of my favorite books.