Thursday, June 26, 2008

Not feeling much like smiling

It's hard, having all of this unstructured free time...I start thinking things. Not funny things, not happy things, just tough things. So this free time is causing more grief than happiness.

I try to find things to do: laugh on the phone with friends, read my favorite books, fill my head with distractions so it doesn't have quiet time to think and reflect.

And then, someone comes - someone who uses words with greater force than I could imagine, who chooses words carefully, exacting, to serve a distinct purpose - and shakes my reality. Its shakes with a conversation where I am grasping for words to explain myself, a conversation that forces me to say things I refuse to say to anyone. And I'm forever grateful. But at the same time - shaken with the idea that someone, anyone, can figure me out so easily.

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