Epiphanies and Anxiety

I thought I would take this weekend to re-center myself. And I thought it had worked. Up at the top of a mountain on Saturday morning, I felt as though all was well. I was myself. I had released the hold that was gripping me, or so I thought.

Then, three days later, I'm back to being anxiety-ridden, and generally pissed off about my existence. What makes me so upset, really, is losing a friend and not being able to do anything about it.

I wish I had a funny story about the kids to make me feel better. Alas, I do not. Hopefully I will soon. They are pretty funny.

Damn, Its like Dawson's Creek or something

Tonight was the first night in a very long time where I felt like...myself. Which is interesting, because I did something I have never done before.

When I was in college, we did not really have a rowdy tailgating/bar after the football game scene. If we went to the football games, which were played at the awful hour of 11 am, we would drink really fast, go to the game, get dissapointed that we lost, and then go home. And if you wanted to go to the game, you could. There was room for all of us.

This is not quite true for ASU. Well, quite the opposite is true. It is a whole new culture on the campus during the games....everyone in maroon and yellow, yelling for their team, drinking and watching the game unless you were lucky enough to get tickets and be inside the stadium. For the majority of students, it means watching in a bar with a bunch of rowdies.

It was awesome. I met some of my sorority sisters and we went to one of my favorite places. Not only did I get to hang out with them, I got to be social and meet fun, interesting people (and by people, I mean boys.)

Did I mention how many boys - absurdly attractive boys - congregate at this bar to watch football? And they know my friends, and they bring their friends, and I end up having hilarious conversations with cute boys?

My favorite boy - Eric "with a c, not a k, because men spell their names with a c, women spell their name Erika with a k" - and I talked for forever. He made me laugh harder than I have laughed in almost 3 months. I said, "If you weren't so funny, I'd think you were an incredible douchebag."

His response: "Be careful throwing around that word while you are wearing that ASU shirt."

"Oh, I didn't go here for undergrad. I'm getting my masters here."

"Oh, then where did you get your undergrad?"

"Well, I went to school in Chicago."

"Where, the South Side?"

"No, the north side."

"Where? Northwestern?"

"Yes."

"Well, I'd be even more careful then throwing around the word douchebag. You could very well be one yourself, coming from Northwestern."

"This is true."

Then, we left Eric to go to a club. On our way there, H said, "That boy you were talking to was SO cute."

"I agree. His name is Eric. He's friends with Erik. Who is Kyle's brother. Who is currently dating/not dating Danielle."

Her response: "Damn, our lives are like Dawson's Creek or something."

Affairs and BAMF

Monday's seem particularly crazy with my students.

One of them walks up to me today and asks to go to the bathroom. I tell him to give me his passport and I will sign it. I look at the passport, and instead of his name, he has written BAMF on it.

Now, if you know Dane Cook, you know what that means. If you don't, look it up. So, I have to go into my teacher voice and say, "You have 3 seconds to change this or we will have an issue." But inside, I was cracking up. "Miss L, you have to admit, that is funny." "Yes, I'm laughing on the inside, not on the outside."

But here's my favorite.
In pre-algebra class, I say:
"Guys, this is a working affair, not a talking affair."
I hear a squeaky voice say, "Miss L, what's an affair?"
And before I could answer, I hear someone else say, "Duh. Its like a carnival."

I laughed for a good 3 minutes.

Losing my mind...

I think I'm losing my damn mind. This is what happened today:

Phone rings in the morning: "Miss L, you have a new student. Please send your ambassadors."

New student comes, tells me her name is Vanessa. I look at her schedule, and it says her name is Sandy. "Sweetie, it says here your name is Sandy."

"Oh, my middle name is Vanessa." Okay, I think. I often call my kids by their middle names. So, 11:03 rolls around and the kids switch classes.

A girl walks in and I SWEAR I've seen her before. So, I go to my attendance online document, and it says a new student is enrolled in my second set of classes. This name? "Sandy." The same as this morning.

So I switch and look at my first hour, and lo and behold, "Sandy" is there again. Oh no! I think. They have scheduled her in my class all day, and she won't get reading. So I call the front office.

"Hey guys, I have a girl who's enrolled in my class all day."

"What's her name?"

"Sandy. She was here this morning, and then she came into my afternoon classes."

"Oh, Miss L, they're twins."

"What?"

"Twins. They are identical twins."

"But they have the same name."

"No, they have different middle names."

"So there are TWO of them?"

"Yes. One in your morning classes, one in your afternoon classes."

"Oh. Good to know, I guess. I SWEAR to God I thought I was losing my mind."

The truth about ducks

A conversation about ducks:

Miss L: but perhaps i'm just being too "emotional"... since some little birdy told me i acted like that

S: a little birdy? that's interesting

Miss L: well, some would say he looks like a fawn.

so a fawn told me? maybe a duck?

others would say this person looks like a duck

S: oh, that's just stupid. sometimes ducks say things only for effect.

Miss L: well, sometimes ducks are so deadpan in their sarcasm, others don't know if they are being truthful or trying for their own humorous effects

that's the problem with ducks.

that and they quack.

S: yeah, that quacking is an issue, but ducks, as a species, are not an insensitive bunch (so i've read), so it is likely that when something comes across as such it is only a sarcastic remark to irk the duck's suitor

Miss L: oh i see. well i'm going to have to take this new information about ducks not being insensitive and change my whole perspective about the duck species.

but that quacking man.

S: i know, obnoxious, and they just won't stop.

Two Sentence Story

During our long, long professional development today, A and I decided to play, "two sentence story." You start, write two sentences, then pass the paper. Then you have them write two sentences, and pass the paper back.

Here is what ensued:
"One day, A turned on the television in his mansion and started to flip the channels. To his surprise, only one channel was available - Fox News.
"Sweet," he said, "Bill O'Reilly will be on soon. What an entertaining idiot."
He watched the commercials for NAMBLA and the NRA, and then the show came back on. Ann Coulter, in a saucy red outfit, was discussing her newest soapbox.
His head began fuming uncontrollably, to the point that he could no longer think rationally. He searched frantically for the remote that he had only a minute ago in an effort to make the television swallow her whole.
He turned off the tv, panting with rage. He ran up to his room, to rid his mind of the conservative filth, and found that Ann's voice was coming out of the speakers of his new computer.

And the story ends because A crumpled up the paper. Apparently, he loathes Coulter that much. I thought it was funny.

Single girls at weddings...

Here's an observation about single girls at weddings - we have issues. Okay, I admit, if you bring a boyfriend to a wedding, I'm sure that he and you are feeling the clock ticking, questioning why you are not having your OWN big day right now. But, at least those thoughts are running through your head.

The thoughts running through OUR heads? Well, we all want to have our own weddings, with pretty dresses, happy toasts, dancing, and a huge celebration. (And in my case, an open bar to make sure that the family gets through it.) This is why the movie Wedding Crashers was written - an exploitation of this very real phenomena of single girls at weddings.

Then, it comes as no surprise to most that single girls do CRAZY things at weddings. So crazy, in fact, that I refuse to relive the madness here. All I will say is that because of this wedding, I have absurd stories about parking lots, phone calls, and things that I don't even believe happened.